What type of Leader do you want to be?

 

Monday Motivation, January 30, 2023

What type of leader do you want your daughter to be?   This is the question that my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Knipper (now Mrs. Giesy), asked my parents.  I do not remember any specific incidents from second grade which may have spurred this statement, though I can remember other grade school incidents of which I was not on my best behavior. 

My elementary was small, only one classroom for grades kindergarten – sixth.  My class was also small, no more than 24 students in any year.  I was a big fish in a very small pond though I did not realize it at the time.  I was not always the nicest child and did tease other students.  If there was trouble in my class, I was the first one questioned.  The school principal and I were on a first name basis.  Because I was a good student and took responsibility, the punishments were never very harsh.  I remember teasing a classmate on the school bus.  The punishment was to sit in the front of the bus by myself; having everyone walk past and know why I was sitting up front - in solitude. 

After Mrs. Knipper spoke to my parents about my leadership, my parents considered how to guide me to a more positive future.  Their solution was to put me in charge of the calves on our dairy farm.  Up until this point, I was not required to do barn chores before school and had few responsibilities after school.  My four older siblings were all required to work in the barn before and after school.  Now, I was joining them.  This required me to get up at 5am, dress for the barn and feed the calves prior to having breakfast and going to school.  After school, we would do it all again before dinner.  Growing up in the snow belt of northeast Ohio, this was not a fun task during the winter. 

Did the responsibility of caring for the calves cure my wild side?  Probably not immediately however it did establish in me a solid work ethic.  I learned to take care of responsibilities before doing the fun things.  I also learned how to treat others according to the Golden Rule. 

The activities that did shape my leadership can be linked back to the farm, especially involvement in 4-H.  4-H Youth development program taught me project management, leadership skills, teamwork, and confidence.  All this points back to that question, “What type of leader do you want your daughter to be?”

I have come a long way from that little second grade student with the shag haircut (circled in photo) who had little direction.  I have learned skills that bring value to others.  As an encouraging and open-minded listener, a confident connector, and empowering and resourceful leader, I guide my clients to a brighter future filled with confidence, happiness and success.

What type of leader do you want to be?  Who was the Mrs. Knipper in your life?  Remember that becoming a leader is a journey.  By continually improving and honing our skills, we can lead and serve those around us and inspire them to become the best version of themselves.  VSM Coaching and Consulting is here to walk with you on that journey. 

Make it a momentous week!

Winter Doldrums or Winter Wonderland

 

Winter doldrums – have you heard of this concept?  I thought that this was just a saying however it an official medical term.  It is a temporary feeling of sadness or lethargy that some people experience during the winter.  It occurs during the shorter days of winter when there are colder temperatures and less natural sunlight.  Winter doldrums are temporary, not to be confused with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) or depression which are long term and may require medical attention.

I have been feeling out of sorts in the past few days.  It is amazing how quickly the winter doldrums can sneak up on you.  Despite the amazing events and activities that I have experienced over the past week, I still feel out of balance.  The temperature has dropped, the cold winds are blowing which prevents me from being outside as often as I would like. 

Another reason for the winter doldrums could be coming off the holidays and New Year high.  Coming into the New Year, I set up wonderful intentions for positive change.  Two weeks in to the New Year, there have not been any miraculous changes which can be discouraging.  I have not followed through on all intentions.  This makes me frustrated however I refuse to give into this unsettled feeling.  I will not give up.

Does this sound familiar to you?  Are you already frustrated with breaking a resolution, or not seeing any results from changes that you have made?  Give yourself grace. 

1.      Remember that we are human.  Setbacks and failures are normal.  Most importantly, do not allow those setbacks or failures to define you.  Consider these as learning opportunities.  What can you do to have a different outcome next time?  Remember to celebrate the wins – no matter the size of the win.  Be happy with yourself for the win.  Take note of it so you can reflect upon the wins later.

2.      Give yourself grace.  You are a wonderful, talented person.  You will have ups and downs.  Don’t stay in the lows. 

3.       Take time to evaluate how you are caring for yourself.  What are you eating – are you eating more whole foods than processed foods?  Chemicals in processed foods have a huge effect on how you feel, physically and mentally.  What type of movement have you incorporated into your daily routine?  This could be as simple as taking regular walks, yoga, fitness programs – something that you enjoy.  It is amazing how a 15 minute walk in the middle of the day can clear your mind and re-energize you.  What is your sleep pattern?  Your sleep has a huge impact on all aspects of your life.  Create a relaxing space which can help provide a restful night’s sleep.  Keep technology out of the bedroom.  Get exposure to as much natural sunlight as possible.  If this is difficult, consider a light therapy lamp. 

4.       Spend time with friends and family who positively support you.  A phone call, coffee with a special friend, this is will energize all of those involved.  Hugging one another boosts the feel-good oxytocin hormone which then creates a stronger bond between the huggers.

If you have winter doldrums, SAD or depression symptoms that last longer than 2 weeks, seek help. 

We are on this planet to support one another.  Do not feel that you are the only one who gets the winter doldrums.  Once you acknowledge that you may be in a funk, try different techniques to reignite your energy.  The power is in you – you are an energetic, joyful being. 

Make it a great week.

Change for the Better

If you follow politics, this past week, the Republicans in the House were voting on a Speaker of the House.  It took 15 votes until Kevin McCarthy was elected.  As I was hearing of the updates from vote to vote, it reminded me of the quote “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  This translates to if you are doing the same thing repetitively yet expecting different results, something needs to change. 

Think of a carousel at a carnival which goes round and round, the view never changes.  It is fun for a few rides though there are other carnival rides to try and experience.  It is the same way with life.  Look around for opportunities to create your best life; get out of your comfort zone.

Consider your finances.  You have income and expenditures.  If you are continually short of funds near each pay day, something needs to change – either your income or expenditures.  With income, consider the ways to change it – different job with higher salary, additional job to help cover costs, selling belongings to raise the funds.  Or, consider ways to adjust expenditures, review spending habits and determine where money can be saved.  Unless something changes, you will continue to be short of funds near pay day.

To make changes, we need to evaluate our habits, consider changes to make, then intentionally apply those changes.  I have an upcoming trip to Italy – my first one.  I want to be able to communicate in Italian with basic remarks.  I could talk about learning Italian and not do anything but talk about it.  Or, I can come up with a plan. 

That is what I did, made a plan which includes what tool to use, how often to use it and how to practice.  The Library has a free resource, Transparent Language.  I have downloaded the app and am using it when I am eating my lunch.  Normally during lunch, I scroll through social media.  I am changing this habit and am committing myself to practice Italian at least 3 days per week during lunch.  Then I will practice by finding others who also speak Italian.

If I only talked about learning Italian yet did not change my habit of scrolling social media during lunch, I would never learn it.  Consider areas in your life where you are unhappy.  What have you done to change the situation?  What is in your control?  What actions can you take to get different results?  Yes, it takes effort, and yes, it will take us out of our comfort zone.  Change and success does not occur in the comfort zone.

Kevin McCarthy eventually won the vote for Speaker of the House.  He knew that something had to change to get the votes.  He negotiated changes to earn the votes. 

Consider the changes that you can make in your life to get different results.  You are here to do wonderful things.  I believe in you and know that you have the capability to make those changes and quit the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again. 

I am here to help you take that first step, that first change.  Together, we can make you be the best version of yourself.

Make it a great week!

Assistance

We become so accustomed to doing things on our own that it takes a lot to ask for assistance. Perhaps we feel it is a sign of weakness to ask for help. We do not want to bother someone. I have done this. I pride myself in being self-sufficient, doing things myself. Then I find myself stressed because I have taken on too many obligations and am not giving them the attention that they deserve. 

Or, I am irritated that no one has offered to assist me. This has occurred with housework prior to having guests. I will be cleaning while others in the house are doing their own thing. I think “Can you not see what needs to be done without being told? I am struggling and running out of time.” Yet, no one offers to help. 

Have I asked for help? Probably not. Perchance, they do not offer because I have turned down assistance in the past. Why should they offer when I always refuse? Maybe I have criticized them for how they did the task. In the end, I become agitated which makes them agitated. No one is happy, and the house still needs cleaned. 

I have learned to stop, take a moment then gently ask for assistance. They are more than happy to oblige when I present my request kindly. It relieves my stress, and it becomes a team effort. 

What is stopping you from asking for assistance? Whatever it is, get over it. We have not been put on this earth to function alone, to prosper alone. We are here to work together, support one another. We can still be independent yet become interdependent – building rich, productive relationships with other people. 

When you are struggling or overwhelmed, admit it. Then determine how someone or some bodies can help. Need help driving the kids to practice? Look around – there are other parents and caregivers who can assist. They all drove their own child to practice – ask someone. If one does not live close by, they would still gladly assist and perhaps you can help them one day. 

Do not wait until you are frustrated or burnt out. Ask for help in advance. Say, I am willing to take on this project however I may need help in completing it on time. Would you be willing to help or know someone who could? Set up a date and time, divide the work. 

If necessary, set boundaries. I can do this but within these parameters. Does that work for you? If not, let someone else take on the task. 

Most of all be honest with yourself and those around you. It is not claiming defeat. It is being realistic. Being honest with yourself and those around you reduces the stress that we have created by trying to do everything on our own. We each only have a certain amount of time in our day. Set your priorities and ask for help where appropriate. 

By allowing someone the opportunity to assist you, it gives them the opportunity to feel good. You can then pass it along helping someone else. And so on, and so on. Raj Jana, JavaPresse Coffee Company, talks about this concept in his article “If you want to Succeed, Be Willing to Accept Help From Others” (Inc. March 16, 2021). – “Receiving is not a sign of weakness. It is a step of strength that will support the flow of abundance in your life. We all need to give, and that means, at times, you must be the one willing to receive.” 

Next time that you have feeling overwhelmed, ask for assistance. Maybe you ask a friend, family member, colleague, coach – it does not matter. By working together, we all lead more successful and fulfilled lives.

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